Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
