i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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