when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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