We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
