Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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