Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Still dying that you shit outside
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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