yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
