Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
