Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
