At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
