its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
