i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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