You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He did a backflip because drugs
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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