My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
