mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
