What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
