i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
