11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
