i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
