Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Randomize
