My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
