I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
