They should really pass out barf bags in church
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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