I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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