If that was your dad, he is hot
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Randomize
