sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
