you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
