haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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