I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
