I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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