My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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