god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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