my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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