and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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