I smell stomach acid.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
