Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
