if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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