Its about making memories worth repressing
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize