you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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