Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
