Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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