At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
