the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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