I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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