I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
