Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
