Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
