she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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