Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize