I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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