it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize