I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
