Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize