I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
she smelled like a LAN party
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
