Soap is not a condiment
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
