Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Do vagina's smell?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
