I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
