speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
