There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
