I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize