batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize