I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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