I feel great
I just peed on a car
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
