I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
i think my cat just said my name.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
