forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
